i just thought you should know

   I missed your kiss on New Years. And for monthes, after, I ached for the feel of your lips.

   But i couldn't do it. If i kissed you it made it real. All of it: our conversations, the feelings, your scent saved to the hard drive in my head, the time i'd spent with you, real. If i didnt kiss you....if your breath never merged with mine, then I could continue to pretend that you didnt mean everything very much to me. Simply pretend I didnt know your inner workings. Pretend I didnt worry or think of you always. If I allowed myself to leave with the feel of your lips on my skin, I couldnt keep away. I wouldnt be capable of seeing you with someone else, if i kissed you... If I kissed you, I wouldnt be able to let you go.
   Your thoughts, your words, your beautiful figure consumed consume my mind for hours on end.  you you you on my mind. I wanted so badly to make you happy. to ask. to request you be mine and only mine.
   But in doing so I'd take a leap. a leap I couldnt bear taking for fear of failing you.

  I went the cowardly route. I let you go, I let the fear subside.