lyric workshop (May 2011)

he loses me, and i lose a tiny piece of myself.

so long my luckless romance

my back is turned on you

should've known you'd bring me heart ache

almost lovers always do
-A Fine Frenzy

I should regret it all more than i do.

it's a shame to love and lose

but i wont forget you

rip my heart out so i can show you

im strong enough

-The Whitney Myer Band

born to be born again & again

  you cant love me? bacause i cant find you. i cant see you. because i cant see me. i cant be me around you. you arnt even you in my head, because i cant be me. i dont look at me. i look away from me. you would too.

  some things are good. some things are great others feel right. right right right.. i want to feel right all the time. i want to know who me is. not the flimsy shape of me who is head strong yet easily contorted. none of it is me. its all a trial of me. its moving the puzzle piece around to see if the edges fit. they dont. they never do. i know part of me. pieces fit in here and there. the rest is filled with idling passion, angst, and insecurity.

each day i wake and paint a face on. the one i like to see in mirrors. the one i smile with. the one my eyes sparkle at you with. i am comfortable in that skin. it is one of the few things i enjoy in myself.

  the rest is an abyss. this, this emptyness. this nothingness in me binds my mouth and keeps my body from action. this is what keeps me alone at night and quite during the day. i read to be someone else. someone who knows who they are. conviction. its the goal. though missing half of myself, its hard to stand on anything. certain things, the ones that feel right, those ones, i know. they are the right pieces that burn the passion that yearns to be let out. with few opinions there is little passion to be spent. little pulse to be felt in the veins of my mind.

  i dont know enough. i dont live. i dont experience life. i take leaps when i have to and sprint back into my comfort zones. 1 forward, 2 back. i am soft bodied. i do not benifit from the things around me. i go throught the motion. i slide by. i could do better in every area. instead i sit lost in my own head. 

  insecurity is supposed to be the cause of all downfall. right? so i start a quest for myself there. to find myself outside to inside. Sure its unorthodox. narmalcy is a joke anyway.

Failure To Maintain

Morals:   purity,   compassion,   honesty,   justness,   integrity,   honor,   faith,   ect.

We are all immoral.


Sit . . . lie. Swear you'll change. Make promises to yourself. You won't even think about it. Swear that's the last time. Your better than that. You wont. . .


Whatever 'it' was, youll do it again. Just once (you'll think). Could be you'll pick another 'it'. You'll think your making progress. But the 'it's' will haunt you. They don't go away. Each one only multiplies to taunt you; tease your senses, bait your weakness'.


Is staying away worth the constant thought, the longing, the emptiness? Could 'it' compel these emotional circumstances? Yet even more pressing: does one actually make gain from a perfect morality?

Route Change.

Dear Perfect Life,
You go something like this:
Childhood. High school. College. Meet significant other. Begin career. Get engaged. Continue working. Get married. Buy suburban house. Continue working. Build up savings. Have kids. Continue working. Raise kids. Retire. Hope your kids do the same.


As easy as you would be . . . I don't want you anymore.